I am a terrible cheek kisser. Aside from my natural inability to predict other people's movements and general awkwardness with affectionate greetings, I am particularly bad at the cheek kiss. From watching others, I've seen how fluid and effortless it can be.
Step.
Lean.
Kiss cheek with one hand their shoulder.
Step back.
Simple, right? Four basic steps to a heartfelt, cute hello or goodbye.
Here's how the steps work for me.
Step and land on opposite person's foot.
Lean and almost smash into their face.
Get kissed on the cheek and somehow kiss air instead and make the annoying "muah" sound while fumbling for their shoulder.
Step back and stare at the ground.
Socialite of the year, I am not. I can't understand how I always end up kissing air when I try to lean in for a normal kiss. Is it because Americans are real cheek kissers who actually put lips to skin as opposed to the hoity-toity European double air kiss? Or maybe people get this idea that I'm just socially graceful enough that they can expect me to commit to a skin kiss but, actually being painfully awkward, I go for the air kiss instead so I don't slobber all over them. Perhaps at my next cheek-kissing opportunity I will try and go in for the full fledged skin kiss. My only other fear regarding that situation, is that in going for the cheek, I will totally miss and end up hitting lips. Gross. Let's hope that doesn't happen, readers, because really the last thing that you want after a fun-filled day at el-bfers house is to accidentally kiss his mom on the mouth. Yikes!!!! I'll keep you guys posted on that one.
Today's Phobia of the Day is: Accidentally-liplocking-with-kind-of-older-people-phobia.
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Dude, don't know about you, but I've been hear a year and I'm still trying to get used to it! Plus, I'm always afraid my face is oily and people are going to recoil in disgust! (Or come away with a big shiny patch on their cheek! eewwww!)
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